4. First In-Law Issue
Photo Credit: iStock
Why It’s Big
In a perfect world, the in-laws can see how awesome you are, but some brides get stuck in a position where their in-laws just don't like them, or on the flip side, their family just doesn't like the groom. Maybe it was a bad first impression, they favor your partner's ex (ouch!) or just have other issues. Whatever the cause, you keep getting hurt by their nasty comments and eye rolling whenever you speak. You want your groom to take your side...or at least defend you. This is one of those toxic tensions you have to deal with right away, before it gets worse.
How to Deal
Your husband is used to his family's flaws: He's learned how to tune out Mom's criticisms, Dad's elitisms, his sister's jealousy. And he just wants you to let their comments roll off your back too. If you stand up for yourself when they strike at you, your spouse may get angry with you for being too sensitive, not respecting them, and so on. Avoiding family parties and dinners also won't work—that's what mean people want, to divide and conquer. After the conflict clears, explain to him that you want to have a close relationship with his family because they're important to him and you need his help making that happen. Ask him for shared topics of interest you can use to bond with them and ask if you can say a quick hello when they call to speak with him. They may still act snotty, but he'll love you for trying! Consider it a gift to him to be cordial when you're with his family. Even if it takes years, your relationship with them may very well grow...or not. But at least you've kept them from driving a wedge between the two of you.