Wedding Invitation Q&As

Composing wedding invitations involves complex-and beautiful-etiquette guidelines. We RSVP to your urgent questions.

Can I Invite My Ex?

Q: My fiancée and I have a very good relationship with my ex-wife. We all get along and I would like to invite her—and our daughter, of course—to my wedding. What is the etiquette on this? —Vienna, Virginia

A: As a rule, it’s usually recommended that ex-spouses not be invited to the wedding, even if you have an extremely amicable relationship. There are several reasons for this: Your child may be confused by her mother’s presence at your nuptials. Guests, too, may feel a bit uncomfortable and not know what to say to your ex (putting the focus on her instead of on you and your new wife). Finally, your former wife may not really want to see you tie the knot, and she’ll be in the uncomfortable position of having to decline.

However, I do believe that these situations should be assessed on a case by case basis, and if you and your fiancée have a great relationship with your ex, go ahead and send her an invite. (After all, Bruce Willis happily attended the marriage of his former wife, Demi Moore, to Ashton Kutcher!) Just be absolutely sure that your fiancée is OK with it. If she indicates even the slightest bit of hesitation or doubt, don’t do it. After all, you wouldn’t want your wedding day to be marred by any misgivings or regrets. You should celebrate your commitment to your new wife to the fullest.
 

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I have a few friends who included a Save the Date magnet in their wedding announcements. It was pretty helpful - I attached the invitation to my fridge using the magnet provided, and then on the day of the wedding, when I was scrambling to get out the door on time, I was able to quickly locate the invitation for directions. For my Save the Dates, I did a postcard. However, I still like the idea of including a magnet in the actual invitations. My invitations will have a pocket for the RSVP card, and I was thinking of including a magnet of my fiance and I there. Would this be OK, and if so, what would be the proper wording on the magnet at this point - would "Save the Date" still be OK?