Wedding speeches are one of the most anticipated moments of any celebration, yet they can also be one of the most nerve-wracking. Whether you're the couple, a family member, or friend preparing a toast, knowing the etiquette and timing of it all will ensure your day is memorable.
By: Meghan Ely 
Photo: Alicia Parks Photography
Here's what our wedding experts want you to know to take your wedding speeches to the next level.
Who Gives a Wedding Speech?
"Picking a responsible person to give the toasts is always key. This person stuck out as a good speaker, friend, or family member, and someone who would be prepared to say something meaningful. It's important to share the friendship, maybe a happy or special memory, and the good fortune and congratulations. I encourage couples to think of staying away from too personal stories or inside jokes that would not make sense to the crowd, or anything that would get someone in trouble. Being confident, concise, caring, and congratulatory is a great way to give a speech at a wedding." —Penny Haas, Penny Haas, LLC
When to Give a Wedding Toast
“Before deciding on the best time for toasts, consider a few things: What activities do you have planned once the reception kicks off? Did you serve food during cocktail hour? How many people are giving speeches (parents, grandparents, wedding party)? Are there any other festivities you want to include later in the evening? As Wedding DJs/MCs, our job is to create a smooth flow that complements all of those moments. For example, if you have parents and a few wedding party members giving toasts, we might recommend having parents speak before dinner (often paired with the blessing) and then having your wedding party toast toward the end of dinner." —Kristin Hubbard, Our DJ Rocks
“The salad course is the perfect time for toasts. Guests have settled in after cocktail hour and are getting to know their tablemates. If you plan to have more than three toasts, spread them out between the salad and entrée courses, or, better yet, have them at the rehearsal dinner the night before." —Sarona Farrell, Gloweddings
Best Length for a Wedding Speech
"Speeches should 3-4 minutes at max, but wedding party speakers often mistakenly go longer because they didn't practice out loud and time their speeches ahead of time (and possibly tried to wing it or go off of bullets). This is why it's so important not to just tell wedding party speakers that they must practice and time it out to make sure they're not going to go over, and why it's important that they don't. Tell them it's because the wedding is timed for specific things to happen on time and for certain durations. Going over 10 minutes can affect the quality of the food service or leave less time for dancing." —Brian Franklin, Vows & Speeches
The Alcohol Factor
"It's important to schedule toasts fairly early after the reception has started because if you do it later in the party, you open yourself up to alcohol becoming a bigger influence. Twenty minutes to half an hour after guests have been asked to take their seats is about right." —McKenzi Taylor, Gather After
Turn Up the Volume
"Whatever volume the loudspeakers are set at, turn them up. It’s never loud enough. Better to be too loud than too quiet. If you're using wireless microphones, make sure the batteries are brand new and fully charged. Have the audio/visual specialist check this beforehand. Have extra batteries ready to go. Better yet, use a wired microphone so that batteries aren't an issue." —McKenzi Taylor, Gather After
Where to Position the Speaker
"I suggest communicating to your DJ or band that you'd like the speaker's microphone and stand to be placed by your sweetheart table. This way, your photographer can get the speaker and the newlyweds all in the same photograph together (rather than you facing them while they stand in the center of the dance floor to deliver their toast)." —Meghan Lynch, Meghan Lynch Photography
Avoid These Common Wedding Speech Mistakes
"The most common issues are jokes that miss, stories that only make sense to three people, people speaking while intoxicated, and mics that don’t work. Couples should carefully choose who speaks, not leave it open-ended, and make expectations clear. Hire a professional DJ or AV team who can manage the mic and audio quality as well." —Craig Peterman, Craig Peterman Photography & Videography
"A wedding toast should celebrate the couple, not bring up issues that could make people squirm in their seats. I also recommend steering clear of anything embarrassing. What might have felt like a funny story back in your college days, say, a frat house memory, might not land the same way in a room full of family and in-laws. Those kinds of jokes can backfire quickly and leave the couple wishing you hadn’t shared. That said, humor and inside jokes can be wonderful if they’re thoughtful, tasteful, and inclusive." —Emily Reno, The Vegas Planners
"Inside jokes are okay here and there but should not be the entire speech. To be proactive, couples can ask the speakers to give them an outline of the topics they are going to talk about if they don't want to read/hear the whole speech prior. Just giving guidance in general is helpful, so people know what is off limits." —Alex Bovee, Vision in White Events
Toasts set the tone for the reception and give your loved ones a chance to share their well wishes. Don’t worry about sticking to tradition; put your own spin on the speeches and remember that authenticity is key!
Meghan Ely is the founder of OFD Consulting, a public relations agency specializing in publicity, speaking engagements, and thought leadership for wedding and event professionals. She also leads the OFD Collective, a PR membership community for industry pros.
