Compared to the rest of the moving parts that wedding planning entails, writing your vows seems like a no-brainer, right? Believe it or not, when it comes time to put pen to paper, you may actually find that words don't come so naturally; after all, how do you sum up your love for your partner in just a few paragraphs?
By: Meghan Ely
Photo: Colton Simmons Photography
Our experts are sharing their top tips for tackling your vows and making them truly custom.
"Humor is often a fundamental pillar of relationships, and most couples laugh at each other. Make sure the fun parts of your lives together are reflected in your vows (in a way that won't embarrass or diminish your partner). Even a light amount of humor can provide a bit of relief from the more serious and sentimental parts, which can get a bit monotone after a while.
Don't use AI, except perhaps for proofreading and grammar. These are human moments, and even if you get help from another person, you want it to be written with human sensibilities and sensitivities." —Brian Franklin, Vows & Speeches
"Definitely run your vows by a mutual party. Someone who has the ability to be honest with both sides. Proofing the vows will ensure that your vows are somewhat similar in length and sentiments. The last thing you want is for your vows to be polar opposite in multiple different aspects!" —Meaghan Cody, Sweet Pea Events
"If one partner has children, including them in the vows is a generous and loving act. You're starting a family together, and children want to be assured that they are loved and treasured. [Also] it's a good idea to agree on the length and depth of your vows, so one partner doesn't upstage the other." —Sarona Farrell, Gloweddings
"Incorporate lifestyles into your vows. If you love Harry Potter, then hire a wedding coordinator who dresses like Professor McGonagall to officiate your vows and use wands and other wizarding rituals. Incorporate personal traditions into your vows. If you have an Irish background, do a Celtic handfasting (knot tying) ceremony." —Michael Thomas, John Michael Catering and Weddings
"Personal details that only the two of you share are what you should focus on. The little moments that make your relationship real and different from everyone else's are what make it incredible. If you're stuck, write it like a love letter and read it out loud. It'll feel more true when you’re speaking directly to your partner." —Craig Peterman, Craig Peterman Photography & Videography
"When writing your vows, some of the things I did and have shared with my couples are: Think about what attracted you to your partner in the first place. Was it their sense of humor? Was it acts of service? Or was it simply that they made you feel safe and expand on that feeling? The way your partner takes care of you or makes you feel special should be included in your vows." —Kimberley Dunkley Watkins, Dragonfly Experiences
"Before you begin writing, decide if you want your personal vows to be said publicly or privately. While some of our couples opt to use custom vows in the ceremony, many choose to recite traditional vows during their formal ceremony, and save the personalized ones for a private moment, like during a first look. This lets them get really creative — and candid — sharing way more personal stories than they might want to in front of all their friends and family." —Jennifer Aguilar, Tracy Autem Photography
"Forget what you think vows should sound like. The most memorable vows sound like you. If you're a bit sarcastic, that can show up in your vows. If you two geek out about books or travel, or your dog, then bring that in. Don't be afraid of being informal, funny, or unconventional if that is your natural voice. The more it sounds like you, the more unforgettable it'll be." —Zhaun Frias, Zhaun Frias Photography, LLC
The good news is this: your vows are just that — your vows. However you choose to express your feelings is completely up to you, and that includes being as traditional or non-traditional as you want!
Meghan Ely is the founder of OFD Consulting, a public relations agency specializing in publicity, speaking engagements, and thought leadership for wedding and event professionals. She also leads the OFD Collective, a PR membership community for industry pros.
