The Bridesmaid Chronicles

In traditional South Asian weddings, bridesmaids don’t exist. But, having an extensive bridal party full of bridesmaids in matching outfits is an American ritual that I’ve always wanted to include in my Big Fat Indian Wedding. In fact, I have been looking forward to coordinating my bridal party since I started planning my wedding! Choosing my bridesmaids has definitely been one of the harder things I’ve had to do as a bride-to-be. I have so many good girlfriends from different stages of my life, and I wanted to include them all! But I narrowed down my choices to four since I didn’t want too long a procession. Let me introduce you to my most fabulous ladies-in-waiting:

My sister: Jabina absolutely had to be my maid of honor. I only have one sibling and since she is only two years younger than me, we are extremely close. Who can understand my needs better than her? Jabina’s been there for every major milestone in my life, and I want her right beside me on the biggest day of my life.

My childhood best friend: Nafiz and I have been best friends since I was 12. Despite living in two different countries (she lives in Canada), she is truly my bff. Plus, her calm disposition makes her the perfect recipient of my bridezilla moments!

My best friend from high school: Karen and I are part of a five-person clique that was inseparable in high school; two of which we’ve lost contact with. Although our lives have taken very different turns and we don’t see each other often, our relationship transcends these challenges and when we’re together it’s as if we were never apart.

My “grown-up” best friend: Farah and I met in our freshman year of college, and we have been inseparable ever since. Although we didn’t go to the same college, we both commuted from home to local schools and spent the majority of our college days partying together! She’s my "of-the-moment" friend, meaning she knows everything about my current life and is the most involved in my day to day. I won’t lie—I also have a selfish reason for asking her to be my bridesmaid—she’s extremely creative and the queen of DIY!

Despite having to narrow down my choices to only these four, it was really hard to leave some of my other friends out, because they are super important to me. Luckily, all my female cousins are too young to be considered for bridesmaids, so instead, they will be my flower girls. But I also want to tell you about the ones I didn’t pick to be my bridesmaids who are so important in my life:

The former bride: I met Salina only a few years ago, but we became really close very fast—in fact we call each other our personality twins! I had the honor of being a bridesmaid at her wedding, so I really struggled over making the decision of whether or not she would be the same at mine. Ultimately, I decided that she has a very busy life right now, being a newlywed and all, so I wouldn’t subject her to the ordeal of being a bridesmaid.

The inner-circle friend: Shoshi is part of the same "clique" that Farah and I are in, but the decision to not make her a bridesmaid was mostly financial. I know buying a bridesmaid outfit would be a struggle for her and the selfish side of me didn’t want to give up on the elaborate outfits I have planned. I also know that she is super understanding.

The other best friend from high school: We were once true bff’s but time and distance has gotten in the way of our friendship and we are no longer as close as we once were. But, for the sake of our old friendship, I did consider asking her to become a bridesmaid, but realized that I didn’t want to include her just because I felt guilty—it wouldn’t be smart or fair. I would still like her to be an important part of my Big Day, but not as a bridesmaid. I wasn’t a bridesmaid at her wedding either, about which I have no harsh feelings. But, it definitely makes it easier for me to not have to ask her to be one at mine either!

The childhood friend: Babli and I have been friends since we were four and our parents are also friends. I was a huge part of her wedding but she recently became pregnant and her due date is right before my wedding! It may be selfish on my part, but I know she will be busy with the new baby and may not physically be up to it either.

This was one of the hardest posts I’ve had to write for this column because all of my friends read it! Although many of my close friends and cousins aren’t going to be my bridesmaids, they will all be a huge part of my wedding, literally. In traditional Bangladesh weddings, the bride’s closest female relatives and friends all wear similar saris that are gifts from the bride and are responsible for carrying out various traditions on the day of the Gayer Holud, the event before the wedding day. So, all of my "non-bridesmaids, but dear friends” will be a huge part of my Gayer Holud!

Planning a wedding is a large financial undertaking and finding ways to limit my costs has been quite an ordeal. In my next column, I will share all of my budget tips that I’ve picked up along the way inquest toward planning the most perfect South Asian wedding ever!