How to Prevent Bridesmaid Drama Before it Starts

Photo: Layce Bauman via Alston Mayger Events

Choose your bridesmaids carefully. "If your partner’s sister just isn’t your cup of tea, or that friend who asked you to be a bridesmaid in her own wedding just has a knack for making things all about her, chances are they aren’t the best fit to be in your own wedding party — no matter what type of loyalties you might feel to them. A great way to handle difficult bridesmaids is to try to avoid having difficult bridesmaids from the start! People will say your bridesmaids should be your nearest and dearest, but I’d say to think beyond that: your bridesmaids should be the people that are going to lift you (and your relationship!) up throughout the wedding planning process and on the wedding day itself. Don’t allow anyone, even yourself, to make you feel like you have an obligation to include someone in your wedding party if you feel like they might cause issues down the line. This is a great way to minimize issues up front!" —AJ Williams, Founder and Creative Director, AJ Events

Set your expectations of your bridesmaids early on. "I think the best way to diffuse difficult bridesmaids is to set your expectations of them early, like right after or even before you ask your besties to stand by your side at the altar. This means being open about how many pre-wedding events they need to be part of, a general sense of the style of dresses you want them to wear, overall time commitment they will have to give to your wedding, and what they can expect their financial output to be. No one likes surprises, so be clear up front about what you want from a bridesmaid. After this, if you’re still met with difficult bridesmaids, my suggestion is to give them an ultimatum: shape up or ship out. It’s your wedding and you shouldn’t have to endure bridesmaids that pile on unnecessary additional stress." —Maya Holihan, CEO & Founder, EWedded

Photo: Sweetlife Photography via Bridal Bliss

Check in with your partner and bridesmaids. "It's normal that our friendships evolve with time, and especially when major life events happen, like a wedding. If one of your bridesmaids starts to act up and behave bizarrely, I would recommend to check in with your partner and other bridesmaids first. Check that it isn't an external factor that has affected her that she hasn't wanted to burden you with — there would be nothing worse than to have a word with her when she is in pain herself." —Charlotte Ricard-Quesada, La Fête

Photo: Monro Photography via La Fête

Encourage your bridesmaids to rely on and help each other. "Wedding attendants can often feel a lot of pressure to look a certain way day-of, and the stress of that can manifest as any number of things. Gentle reminders to the group that you don't currently have the bandwidth to respond to every single message while you're trying to iron out details with vendors may help. Encourage your attendants to ask questions amongst themselves and only utilize your opinion as a tie breaker if needed." —Ashley Lachney, Owner of Alston Mayger Events

Photo: Vanessa Hicks Photography

Don’t be afraid to cut members from the party. "Sometimes, jealously is a factor when it comes to the wedding party. If a bridesmaid or groomsman has become toxic or is sabotaging the wedding or planning process, it's time to say goodbye. It will make the day more enjoyable for you, and also for the entire party. You don't want to look back on your wedding and remember having to walk on eggshells. Your wedding party is supposed to be comprised of your closest family and friends, not toxic individuals. Launch them, and don't look back!" —Nora Sheils, Founder Bridal Bliss, Co-Founder Rock Paper Coin

Photo: Vanessa Hicks Photography

Respect their time and budget. "Your bridesmaids have their own lives going on — full-time jobs, kids, or classes — and they're not going to put things on pause because you're planning a wedding. Even though wedding planning may be consuming your life, you shouldn't expect it to consume theirs. So be respectful of their budget and their time. This also goes for email and text communications where brevity is a virtue! Don't send them a 20-page manuscript or an obnoxious never-ending group text. Keep your comms short, sweet, respectful, and to the point." —Jenna Miller, Creative Director of Here Comes The Guide

Photo: Monro Photography via La Fête

Deal with issues ASAP and lean on your other friends & family. "If you find a bridesmaid being difficult during the wedding planning process, deal with it as soon as possible. You do not want this to sit with you and then blow up on your wedding day. Believe me, it happens. If you have a difficult bridesmaid on your wedding day, lean on your other bridesmaids, family, friends, and even vendors to keep your day running smooth. Remember, it is your day! Nothing and no one will get in the way of you marrying the love of your life!" —Vanessa Hicks Photography

Photo: Vanessa Hicks Photography

Confront her to see if it can be resolved. "If there are no external factors and everyone agrees she's a bit off, just confront it over a coffee and get to the root of the issue. Can it be resolved before the wedding? Amazing! Does it seem more complicated? Then maybe suggest that you take some time apart, and if you just can't bear the stress of it, politely ask her to no longer be part of your bridal party or even wedding. It's cutthroat, but life happens." —Charlotte Ricard-Quesada, La Fête

Salvage the friendship in any way possible. "You chose this individual because they're one of your very best friends. While cutting someone from the wedding party may seem like the best option, know that this is often a friendship-ending move, and typically is never well-received. Communication is key, and if a heart-to-heart meeting is on the horizon, prioritize and preserve the relationship before making any emotionally-charged decisions." —Ashley Lachney, Owner of Alston Mayger Events

Photo: Vanessa Hicks Photography