When I first got engaged, everyone (squealing aunts, girlfriends, neighbors, heck, even Facebook friends I haven't seen in 10 years) who heard the happy news reacted in one of three ways: "Let me see your ring!", "When's the big day?" and "I can't wait to celebrate at your engagement party!" The first two I expected and prepared for by getting a French mani and preparing the we're-just-enjoying-being-engaged speech while trying not to hyperventilate about searching for a venue. However, the last one really took me off-guard simply because so many people who said it weren't on my invite list. Ideally, Jason and I would have wanted every special person who has made an impact on us since childhood to be able to attend, but we both come from super-sized families (Jason has 15+ first cousins alone!) and couldn't justify having my parents (there's mom and dad, giving us a toast, pictured above) throw us a mini wedding when we're already spending so much for the main event. BG brides, I'm sure many of you have had the same dilemma—what are you supposed to say and do to avoid hurting well-intentioned non-guests?
Here's my solution: Only invite your closest aunts, uncles, and first cousins (if you can), along with the bridal party. For example, rather than offend some of my second cousins by inviting some and not others, I made the playing field fair by not including any except for the parents of my flower girl and pillow boy (check out Viviana and Matthew, the cuties pictured above). I avoided a lot of unnecessary migraines and cold shoulders with this concept because friends and family members who weren't in the bridal party couldn't get offended that they weren't included. As an added bonus, the engagement party became more than just a get-together and was made meaningful, since we shocked our guests by announcing who our bridesmaids and groomsmen are for the first time.
In the past, the tradition was for newly-engaged couples to visit each bridesmaid or groomsman's home bearing gifts or take them out to dinner separately to tell them they would be honored to include them in the bridal party. By making a group speech, like Jason and I did, you can save lots of time and not feel obligated to wine and dine your 'maids and GM, spending more than you can really afford. Believe it or not, I think that our surprise actually made them more excited for the wedding than if I had done the former, since they all started jumping, hugging, and yelling at one another in excitement and were able to celebrate together. To commemorate the event, I gifted my beautiful, supportive bridesmaids (pictured below--wish we were looking at the camera) with one-of-a-kind, handmade cards that I found from Etsy seller Embellished by Tiffany ($5/card, pictured below).
Tell us: How did you cut costs on your engagement party? How did you break the news to your bridal party and let them know that you want them to walk down the aisle with you and your husband-to-be?
—Stefania Sainato
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