Ready to start planning your dream day? Your first step: Toss out those notions you may have about how things "should" be done—you know, the traditional rules handed down from generations past that require you to invite all of your parents' friends and serve a fancy sit-down dinner in a hotel ballroom or at a banquet hall.
While it's true that a wedding with those elements will never go out of style, it's okay to change the rules a little, or even a lot, to suit your style as a twenty-first-century couple. Check out the new set of guidelines brides and grooms are following today.
Rule #1 Express yourselves.
The old way: Doing things the way Mom and Dad would like.
The new way: Designing a wedding that's uniquely yours.
Photo Credit: Corlis Gray Photography
When a couple pays for their own wedding, they're less likely to allow their parents' vision of the big day to eclipse their own. So, when Mom begins to push for a formal affair for 200 at the country club, hold onto your own idea of your dream wedding and remember that you hold the power of the purse. Do you and your future hubby share a love of all things Italian? Have your party at your favorite Italian restaurant (maybe the one where you had your first date). Hire an accordion player to entertain guests as they eat. And ask your baker to design a cake that looks like the Leaning Tower of Pisa. Think the classic white limousine is the only "wedding worthy" vehicle to squire you two around? Nah! Make a Porsche, a golf cart or even a helicopter your mode of transportation; or, rent a trolley or stretch SUV limousine and bring your entire wedding party along for the ride. "For a wedding I planned recently, the groom left the reception on his motorcycle, with his new bride—ballgown and all—in the sidecar," says Susan Southerland, owner of Just Marry!, a wedding-planning company with locations in Orlando and St. Augustine, Florida , and Savannah.
Another very personal idea: Incorporate elements of your cultural heritage into the big day. For instance, Southerland helped plan the wedding of a bride with Vietnamese roots to a groom whose family originally hailed from Ireland. At their ceremony, the flower girl scattered clovers instead of rose petals. The reception menu included classic Irish dishes like potato-leek soup and beef Wellington, as well as traditional Vietnamese selections like lemongrass-infused pork kabobs (prepared by the bride's mother) and spring rolls.
Next: The new guest list rule ►
Rule #2 Make the day about the people who matter to you.
The old way: Not recognizing many of the faces at your fête.
The new way: Tailoring your guest list to reflect the true VIPs in your life, whether that's 20 people or 200.
Photo Credit: Inspire Photography
Gone are the days of feeling obligated to invite everyone you — and your parents — know. "Couples want to celebrate with the people they really care about, those who will still be in their lives 15 years from now," says Jeanette Stancato, a wedding planner with Marriott Hotels. In decades past, when the bride's mother and father were picking up the tab, it was their prerogative to include more of their friends, relatives and business associates. "But when the couple is paying, they aren't obligated to invite Dad's partner's brother or Mom's cousins whom they haven't seen since their First Communion," says Stancato. If you just can't say "no" to Mom and Dad's desire for a big do, consider having an intimate wedding with your family and closest friends, followed by a big reception that'll please the folks when you return from your honeymoon.
Next: Why you may want to re-think assigned seating ►
Rule #3 Get guests mingling.
The old way: Sit-down dinners with guests in assigned seats.
The new way: Encouraging friends and family to move around freely.
Photo courtesy of Raj Tents
Dread fussing over a seating chart? Good news: Open seating, where guests choose where and with whom to sit, is making a comeback, say experts. "It's a great way for guests to meet and get to know others," says Raquel Shutt, the CEO of Wedding Savvy in Annapolis, Maryland. Just be sure to place "reserved" signs on tables where you and your groom, the bridal party and both sets of parents will sit. That way, the major players are guaranteed a special spot.
If open seating isn't for you, you can still foster a friendly feel by creating a club-like atmosphere in your reception room. Keep the lighting low. Instead of using standard round tables all of the same size, opt for a variety of shapes and sizes — perhaps several tall tables with or without bar stools, some small round tables for four and a few large square or rectangular tables that can seat more guests. You can even bring in couches, comfy chairs and cocktail tables to create a lounge area. Another option if your wedding isn't too big: Go with "royal banquet seating," where everyone sits at one long table. Finally, consider forgoing a sit-down dinner in favor of multiple food stations, where guests can pick and choose among various types of cuisine. This is a great way to encourage interaction.
Next: How to enjoy every moment ►
Rule #4 Have a ball at your own party!
The old way: Being "on duty" and spending the entire reception greeting guests and posing for pictures.
The new way: Enjoying every minute of your once-in-a-lifetime celebration.
Photo Credit: Photographic Dreams
Of course, graciousness will never go out of style, which means you absolutely must greet each guest personally and thank him or her for coming to your wedding. But there are clever ways to handle your hosting responsibilities so the whole day doesn't pass in a blur — and leave you without a moment to enjoy even a bite of your carefully chosen wedding meal. First, take as many of your "posed" photos as possible before the ceremony, so that you can attend the cocktail party along with everyone else. Yes, that means you'll have to see your groom before you walk down the aisle. But think of it this way, suggests Southerland: "Many couples find it thrilling to spend a private moment together before the ceremony," she says. "It's their chance to bond for a few minutes and say, ‘Wow, today's the day!' " Also, consider forgoing a receiving line. "Many parents still think it's necessary, but mingling with guests at the cocktail hour is much better," says Shutt. "This way, you can have more casual conversations with your guests instead of just a quick hello as they move down the line."
Even if you do plan to have your photographs taken during the cocktail hour (so that you can be "presented" at the reception as husband and wife), there are a few timesaving moves you can make to enjoy your party fully. Visit guest tables between courses so you can eat along with everyone else. Sneak in a few twirls on the dance floor—guests will surely understand your breaking away from a conversation for this. If you have a large wedding, it's okay for you and your husband to "divide and conquer"—each of you can visit with guests from your "sides." This way, you'll slash your meet-and-greet time in half.
Next: Get creative with your décor ►
Rule #5 Get creative with your décor.
The old way: Settling for old wedding standbys like pink or white tablecloths and floral centerpieces.
The new way: Dazzling partygoers with sophisticated, even surprising, details.
Photo Credit: Eric Craig Studios
It used to be that embellishing a ceremony or reception space meant simply choosing a color scheme for centerpieces and picking among the white, pink or maroon linens the banquet hall had on hand. Not anymore. People's tastes are more sophisticated than ever before — thanks, in part, to all those wedding-themed reality shows that have upped the creative ante.
When you're planning the color scheme, think beyond basic pastel pink or blue and try one of these chic combos: chocolate brown, beige and sky blue; grass green and white or cream; or apple green and hot pink. For your centerpieces, instead of having bunches of flowers arranged in glass vases, consider placing one or two solid-colored blooms in three small, geometric-shaped, colorful containers on each table—the look is sleek and sophisticated. Or, forgo flowers altogether. Ask your florist to fill bowls with exotic fruit, or arrange to have pillar candles of varying heights placed at the center of each table; you can scatter confetti or jelly beans around those groupings.
"Brides and grooms are also doing a lot more with lighting, which makes a huge impact," says Southerland. Ask your planner about using a gobo light (a simple apparatus on which a stencil is placed over a bulb) to project your initials onto the dance floor, or highlighting the centerpieces with "pin" lights hung from the ceiling. Spotlights placed underneath tables covered in filmy, light-colored cloths will make the tables appear as if they're floating.
Lastly, delight and entertain your guests with some unusual, special elements. For instance, ask your planner to arrange for an ice "luge" at the bar—guests will enjoy watching the bartender pour a drink down this ice "slide" in order to chill it. Or, hire living "statues"—that is, performance artists garbed in period costumes or dressed to suit a particular theme, like hula girls for a tropical wedding. Imagine guests' surprise when these statues come to life!
Next: Consider a destination wedding ►
Rule #6 Take your show on the road.
The old way: Believing the bride's hometown is the "only" place to tie the knot.
The new way: Having a destination wedding in an exotic location.
A hometown wedding can be beautiful and have a lot of sentimental appeal. But with girl-marrying-boy-next-door and high-school-sweetheart romances growing less common in this "global" society, more and more couples are choosing to wed away from home. "Less than half of my clients were born and raised in Annapolis," notes the Maryland-based Shutt.
So what entices couples to a particular destination? "Brides and grooms are picking places that have personal significance to them," she says. It might be the spot where they met or got engaged, or a place they've always dreamed of visiting together (Aspen! or Venice!). Other couples dream of exchanging "I dos" barefoot in the sand—on a Hawaiian or Caribbean island, for example. Whatever destination you choose, think about what the locale has to offer your guests: Are there gorgeous beaches, lots of sightseeing options or plenty of nightspots to keep them entertained? Be sure to factor in how easy it will be for the majority of your guests to travel there, whether by car or airplane.