The Basics
Engagement gifts, shower gifts, wedding gifts—you'll probably never receive more presents at any one time during your life than you will around your wedding. Unfortunately, many a brides enthusiasm quickly dampens at the thought of writing the thank-you notes that must follow. Cheer up: The whole process of reflecting again on your treasures can rekindle all your best engagement and wedding memories. And with the right system, you can have your obligations polished off in no time.
As a rule, thank-you notes for shower gifts should be mailed within two or three weeks, and early wedding gifts should be acknowledged before the big day. Besides the fact that its good manners to respond promptly, theres a practical reason for this: The work wont get a chance to pile up. All remaining thank-you notes should be sent within three months. If youre falling behind, consider calling the people who sent gifts by mail to assure them the package did arrive; then follow up with a written note as soon as you can.
Keeping a record of all the gifts you receive—in a notebook, your computer, or on index cards—will help tremendously when you send your thank-you notes. Record the givers name, the store where the gift was purchased (if you know), the date it was received, a brief description of the gift, and finally, the date the thank-you note was sent. You can refer to this listing as you write—since proper etiquette dictates that you describe the gift in your note—and use it to keep track of which gifts youve acknowledged. If the same person gets you a gift for multiple events—say, a shower gift and a wedding gift—you must write a separate note for each gift.
The Stationery
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When writing thank-you notes for engagement or shower gifts, decorative note cards may be used. Your wedding thank yous, however, should be written on more formal white or ivory stationery. If you choose notepaper embossed with your name or initials, keep in mind that you must use your maiden name on any prewedding thank yous. Paper that displays your married name should not be used until after the wedding.
What to Write
While thank-you notes are traditionally written by the bride, it is perfectly appropriate (not to mention practical) for your groom to write some after the wedding too. To make matters simpler, have him do those for his friends and family, while you do those for yours. Shower gifts, though, are generally for the bride, so it is you who should do the responding. (Of course, gifts from a coed shower are an exception to this rule.)
Be sure to make each note warm and personal. Remember, the giver spent valuable time and money searching for the perfect item for you. Preprinted note cards are not appropriate—a handwritten, personalized thank you is a must. Neatness counts—dont cross out words or leave messy ink blots. And dont use a pencil or colored pen. Blue or black ink are the only appropriate choices.
Your notes need not be lengthy, but they should mention the gift by name, and refer to how you will use it: "Thanks you very much for the china place setting! John and I will think of the two of you every time we use it. We hope youll be our dinner guests sometime soon."
When writing about a monetary gift, you need'nt start the amount, but do mention what you plan to do with it: "Thank you both for your generous wedding gift. John and I are saving for a house, and you have helped bring us closer to that goal."
Its nice to include a photo of the two of you—but only if your photographer can provide the prints within a few weeks of the wedding. Do not make guests wait to hear from you because the pictures arent ready.
Don't like a gift? You still need to offer gracious thanks, and never mention that you plan to return it. Likewise, make your own arrangements with the store to replace a damaged gift. Theres no need to trouble the giver.