Wedding Q & A on Gift Lists, Save-the-Dates & More

Straight talk, smart solutions by Diane Forden, Editor in Chief

Take a Seat
Q: Although most guests will stand during our outdoor ceremony, we will have a few chairs set up for elderly relatives. How might we let them know this -- and ensure that no one takes their seats? -- Ft. Myers, Florida

A: It’s considerate of you to provide seating for older guests. I think your best bet is to place “Reserved” signs on the backs of the chairs, so that others won’t assume it’s a “first come, first served” arrangement. You should also make sure that your ushers know exactly which relatives are to be seated and that they are to escort these guests to their chairs. Should any of the other attendees take a seat, your ushers can politely ask them to stand for the service.

Invitation Inquiry
Q: What’s the difference between engraving, thermography and letterpress? Also, if we’re having 175 guests, how many invitations should we order? -- Tulsa, Oklahoma

A: Your stationer will no doubt show you a variety of printing styles and explain each in detail, but here’s a brief rundown: Engraving is more classic and formal with raised lettering (and the most expensive form of printing). Thermography replicates the raised look of engraving, but costs about 20 percent less. In letterpress printing, the letters and designs are pressed down into the paper for a more retro look. “Offset,” another word for flat printing or lithography, is superaffordable (be sure to find out the cost for each method).

You won’t need to order an invitation for each of your 175 guests. One invite per single person, per couple and per family will suffice. But you should order about 25 additional invitations as keepsakes and 25 extra envelopes in case you make mistakes while addressing. And be sure to see a proof -- a preview of the final result -- in order to ensure that names are spelled correctly and all the information is accurate.

Gift List
Q: We’re giving gifts to our wedding party. However, my aunt is hosting a pre-wedding party for us. Should we give something to her as well? -- Savannah, Georgia

A: Yes, your aunt should receive a token of thanks. In fact, gifts should be given to anyone who goes above and beyond to assist in some way. And don’t forget the guest-book attendant, friends or relatives who host or drive out-of-town guests and your parents. Their gifts needn’t be expensive, so don’t panic about the cost. Money clips, business card cases, key rings, picture frames, small jewelry items or decorative boxes, engraved pens, flowers or plants, soaps, candles, stationery and mani/pedi gift certificates -- all are wonderful presents that won’t break the bank. Believe me, the gesture is well worth it, and your friends and relatives will appreciate your thoughtfulness.

Save-the-Date Query
Q: Is it appropriate to ask guests to convey their responses via reply card or a phone call after receiving our save-the-date cards? -- Englewood, New Jersey

A: No, save-the-date notices are sent to alert guests as to the time and place of a wedding, so they have ample opportunity to make their arrangements. Reply cards are enclosed with the wedding invitation only. However, if you and your fiancé want to get a rough estimate now, I recommend you follow up through e-mail or phone calls. Keep in mind that it may be too early for some people to confirm, so be sure to get your invitations out four months before the big day (especially if it’s a destination wedding), and ask to have responses by 10 weeks before the wedding. That should give you plenty of time to finalize all of the details with your pros.

Send your planning questions to us at mail@bridalguide.com.

What Not to Post About Your Wedding on Facebook

All-new wedding dos and don'ts for the online bride.

By: Terri Huggins

Are you the type of person who likes to shout her good news from the mountaintops? Nowadays that mountaintop usually comes in the form of the status update, comment box, Tweet field or group page on your social networking site of choice. Although you might like to share good news when it comes to job offers or scoring that fab pair of shoes, it can cause trouble when your news is about your wedding. Here, the dos and don'ts of social networking to help you avoid any pre-wedding blunders.

bride and groom on cell phone



>>DO inform family members about your engagement before posting it on Facebook.

We call this rule number one in wedding netiquette! Once you've told your nearest and dearest in person or via phone, there's no harm in posting pictures of the ring or even the actual proposal to share your excitement.

>>DON'T ask friends to be in the wedding party through Facebook.

An invitation to join your bridal party is a statement of how much you value a friend or family member. Rather than take away from what should be a memorable moment, give your gal pal a call. Or better yet, invite her to lunch or for drinks to pop the big question. "We are losing touch with face-to-face communication," says etiquette expert Aimee Symington. "Being a bridesmaid is such a meaningful thing. Talk to your friends in person so that you share the moment and experience."

>>DO make status updates requesting opinions about wedding colors, themes or other ideas.

There is nothing wrong with asking for inspiration, says Jes Gordon, a New York City wedding planner. It may even make wedding planning more fun. However, she advises brides to know when to draw the line. "It's fine to send out a Tweet asking if Tiffany Blue is better than baby blue," she says. "Don't ask what you should include in your vows. That's taking it too far."

>>DON'T post pictures of bridesmaid dresses unless you truly don't mind the opinions of nosy strangers.

Posting shots of bridal attire is tempting fate. According to Gordon, doing so means opening yourself to lots of unwanted "feedback." Who needs that?

>>DO consider creating a wedding webpage as well as a page for the bridal party only.

On the wedding page you can include all sorts of useful information for your guests, such as directions, etc. On the bridal party page, include pictures, ideas, updates, schedules—whatever your attendants will need to discuss among themselves. The page should allow for the bridal party to communicate with each other.

>>DO look through friends' wedding photo albums on Facebook for real-life inspiration.

And have your fiancé join you! It's fun to do this together, and if he hasn't been too interested in wedding planning until now, seeing photos of his friends' weddings just might intrigue him enough to become more involved.

>>DON'T make a Facebook status directing friends to your wedding registry.

We know you're craving that state-of-the-art kitchen gear listed on your registry, but posting a link to it on your profile may come off as tacky and childish. "Though it might sound efficient, I'm afraid it gives the appearance of soliciting gifts," said Yifat Oren, a wedding planner in New York City. "Just remember that if someone wants to send you a gift, they'll figure out where you're registered."

>>DON'T use Facebook to invite guests to the wedding.

Most people ignore invites sent via social networking sites—which is surely the last thing you want to have happen. And with so many amazing choices of invitations available at affordable price points, it makes sense to go the traditional route. However, for your save-the-dates or rehearsal dinner invitations, it's certainly acceptable to send a convenient group message to select people on Facebook.

>>DON'T Tweet for honeymoon ideas before you and your fiancé have discussed your options together. 

Sure, it's fun to get friends' input, but again you should know when to draw the line. Sending a Tweet to 500 followers to ask for dinner and activity suggestions for your first night as a married couple is immature. Plus, you can start to feel somewhat overwhelmed with other people's suggestions, which after all are based on their tastes. "There is nothing wrong with asking other people whether or not Jamaica is a good place for a vacation," says Gordon. "Tweeting for things to do during your honeymoon is carrying it too far." And don't even think about announcing the dates that you'll be gone. Why should everyone know when your house will be empty?

>>DO refrain from putting a wedding ticker on your profile.

Of course, you're wildly excited and counting down the minutes till your wedding day, but not everybody else in the world is. Putting a ticker on Facebook or constantly updating your status may not only be annoying, but hurtful to those on your friend list whom you haven't invited.

THE "DO" LIST

  • Do utilize LinkedIn, Facebook and Twitter to locate reliable wedding vendors and deals in your area.
  • Check out the profiles of wedding planners on LinkedIn for references, and scope out the group pages of wedding pros in your area.
  • Consider following your favorite wedding pros or venues on Facebook or Twitter for company updates and deals exclusive to their social networking pals.

 

Photo by Luciana Pampalone