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Interethnic, multicultural marriages are on the rise. Here, four couples talk about their own blended-and-blessed unions.

We sat together at a picnic table in our favorite park. It was a cool December morning, and I buried my hands in my sweatshirt sleeves. Looking serious, Jason turned to me and handed me a small, flat package.

Opening it, I discovered a thin, slightly faded book with a smooth white cardboard cover. ""I had a hard time tracking that book down,"" he said. ""It's one of a very few copies in existence."" I read the title: Parsi Wedding Ceremonies, inscribed in a delicate scroll. ""I want us to be together, always,"" Jason said. ""I want you to marry me.""

That is what he said, but the book had already said it for him. My family and I are Parsi, or Indians of the Zoroastrian faith. Jason's family is Italian-American and Catholic. By finding and giving me that rare book, he was telling me that he understood how much my faith meant to me, and that he wanted it to be part of our wedding.

A year later, Jason and I were married in Bombay, India. We had a civil ceremony combined with traditional Zoroastrian blessings. Jason's family and several of our friends traveled to India to attend, their presence underscoring the trust they had placed in me and my family and, most importantly, the generous compromise Jason had made to marry me in a world totally removed from his own home and familial traditions.

The number of interracial marriages in the United States jumped from 310,000 in 1970 to more than one million in 1990, according to Census Bureau figures. In 1998, more than 1,300,000 married couples listed themselves as ""interracial."" These blended unions pose a number of challenges, such as forging a new identity as a family that celebrates both backgrounds. But first comes the wedding. We talked to three couples who created unique, touching ceremonies that reflected them both - and one couple who are facing huge obstacles as they plan their wedding. Here are their stories.

Cultural Lessons

When a couple decides to incorporate traditional elements into their ceremony, wedding planners advise that they explain the significance of these traditional acts to guests. ""If a ceremony is performed in a different language, or a blessing is given in an ancient scripture, I advise couples to provide some sort of translation,"" says Zarina Shroff, international wedding coordinator and event planner for the Hyatt Regency hotel in Atlanta. ""This helps build respect and understanding between the two faiths and the two families."" That advice also goes for couples who decide to pick just one tradition in which to marry.

Daryl, 32, is Jewish and his wife, Linda, 31, is Filipino-American and Catholic. While they had a Jewish ceremony, they went the extra mile to make sure that their Catholic guests understood what was happening.

""We decided long before we got married that we would have a Jewish ceremony,"" explains Linda. ""We found a reformed rabbi who agreed to limit the amount of Hebrew he used. We also asked him to explain the ceremony as he went along, so that everyone from my family and all of our guests would understand the different traditions.""

This was especially important to Linda; although her parents had never voiced any opposition to a Jewish ceremony, she knew that they had many questions about Judaism. The ceremony was a way for her parents to learn more about Daryl's faith.

According to Randie Pellegrini, of the Los Angeles-based wedding planning firm Cordially Invited, Inc., many interfaith couples do select traditions from a variety of faiths, because the ideas resonate with them. Couples with no Jewish background may break the glass, and couples with no tie to Christianity may light a unity candle, along with traditions of their own faiths, simply because they like the symbolism behind these acts. ""Just as people are becoming less inhibited about marrying someone of a different race or religion, they are equally uninhibited about borrowing a tradition from another culture or faith,"" says Pellegrini.

The Nondenominational Compromise

Occasionally, a couple's attempts to design a ceremony in either one or a mix of both of their faiths proves too taxing, and they opt instead for a civil or nondenominational marriage ceremony.

When Kwame Burroughs, 29, who is Bahai (a Middle Eastern religion practiced in many parts of the world), and Elizabeth Arkush, 29, who is Jewish, became engaged, they first talked about having a civil ceremony in a beautiful courthouse in Bloomington, Indiana, Elizabeth's hometown. But on further reflection, Kwame realized that he would like something more spiritual for his wedding than a civil ceremony would provide, and he knew his mother would feel the same. Still, a church wedding was not an option for this couple, because Elizabeth's Jewish father would have had strong objections.

Their compromise: a ceremony in a strictly nondenominational chapel that included a selection of readings from several faiths. Although the couple highlighted a number of spiritual and religious aspects in their ceremony, they chose not to incorporate anything from their separate cultural backgrounds, a decision that is very common, says Reverend Mark Foster, a minister who performs marriage ceremonies in Southern California. "Interracial couples tend to incorporate their different spiritual beliefs into the ceremony, but not their racial differences," he notes.

"For us, getting married was always more an issue of spending our lives together and celebrating that. It was never going to be about focusing on our races," explains Elizabeth. It seems to have worked fine: "Even though most of my parents' friends are white and most of Kwame's parents' friends are black, they all got along beautifully at the wedding." Says Kwame, "Before you marry, you have to be aware of who you are and be comfortable with your identity. If you are using your partner to bolster a self-identification, whether it is religious or ethnic, it just will not work. Make sure you can love someone for who they are, aside from their religion and ethnicity, and then do not let it get in the way of the marriage."

Before they wed, Daryl and Linda talked openly about how they would raise their future children, and decided on the Jewish faith. Linda was comfortable with the decision, and today, she is often more observant of Jewish cultural traditions than Daryl is. The couple now has a young son.

"You have to talk about exactly what you believe in, and what you can compromise on, before you get married," says Linda. "When children are born, you can be quite surprised by what aspects of your background become important to you. It's better if you have already explored all these feelings."

Blending Traditions

Patty, 33, and Jin, 34, from Los Angeles, chose to plan a wedding that incorporated both Patty's Irish-Catholic background and Jin's Japanese heritage. Like many couples in their position, they wanted to create a ceremony that would be meaningful to them both, and one that would be enjoyable and comfortable for their families and guests. They decided on a mostly traditional Catholic wedding service. Jin, who is agnostic, had no problem with the Catholic ceremony, especially as Patty's faith was important to her.

As a compromise, and to ensure that the wedding wouldn't seem all "Patty's," the couple incorporated several Japanese traditions into their day. "In Japanese weddings, it's traditional to break the lid of a sake keg," says Jin. "So my dad shipped a keg the size of a table from Japan."

In addition, Jin's stepmother folded 1,000 origami paper cranes. (Origami is an intricate art of paper folding.) In Japanese tradition, folding the cranes helps to ensure good fortune. According to legend, if you fold 1,000 cranes, one wish will come true.

As wedding favors, the couple gave sake boxes that guests could drink from, inscribed with their names and wedding date.

"One advantage we had is that neither of our families had set expectations of what we ‘should' have done," says Jin, an observation that brings up an interesting point: "Maybe if I were Irish-Catholic, her family would have expected me to act in a specific way. And the fact that Patty tried to incorporate some Japanese cultural elements really endeared her to my family, whereas if she were Japanese they might have been more likely to question her decisions." How is that for an unexpected twist on the interethnic, multicultural wedding: The very fact that the two families were so different helped to foster understanding and open minds to new ideas and traditions.

How did Patty and Jin manage to smooth the seam of the cultural divide between them? The duo says that communication skills were their secret to planning a wedding they loved, and to forging a happy marriage.

Because they were married in the Catholic faith, Patty and Jin attended Pre-Cana, Catholic marriage- preparation classes that, traditionally, focus on sharing ideas and expectations about marriage. The couple came away from the experience with a new philosophy: No couple should assume that they've got communication down pat without practice. Jin was especially pleased with the result. "The classes pose fun questions, like ‘what was your fiancé's most traumatic moment,' as well as practical questions, like ‘where do you want to live' and ‘how many children do you want,'" says Jin. "These are questions that all couples should answer. I actually advised some of my non-Catholic friends to try it."

Against All Odds

A hopeful metaphor for peace between their two cultures, Terez Rubenstein, 24, and Alex Hanhan, 25, who live in New York City, have overcome numerous challenges since they met. Terez, who is Jewish, was born in Israel. Alex's Catholic family's roots are Palestinian.

"I never envisioned myself marrying a Catholic," says Terez. Alex says that the most difficult part of planning their wedding is overcoming the guilt that marrying Terez is wrong in his family's eyes.

Still, Alex and Terez have been able to work through the challenges posed by their families and communities. "Our parents have slowly come around," says Terez. "Still, we are always having to prove to them that we love each other. I think seeing how strong our bond is has made them respect our decision."

Terez and Alex have joined an interfaith couples' group, where they discuss conflict-ridden subjects like childrearing and planning holidays. Terez sees it as an advantage: "We are forced to talk about issues that many couples never get around to discussing," she says. Realizing that their families would have divergent ideas about their wedding, Terez and Alex have settled on an interfaith ceremony in a quiet garden. They will light a Christian unity candle, and Terez will circle Alex three times, a Jewish tradition meant to ward off temptation and signify the space a couple shares in married life. Says Alex, "Maybe our marriage will help people to open their eyes and, even it happens very slowly, to change their views."