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Subject: Getting groom's father to help with the wedding co
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| mob1 |
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Joined: Oct 2009
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My duaghter's future father-in-law has agreed to help with the wedding, which is next July but he has no interest in any details and hasn't told my husband and myself how much he will contribute. We saw him and his girlfriend last night, and she began by saying that "they" need to plan the rehearsal dinner and did I know who usually comes to it. My duaghter is getting married on a yacht on a Friday nioght and we are not having a rehearsal or rehearsal dinner becuase her wedding party is small. Plus, we don't want to have people pay for a night in a hotel when they might not be able to afford it. I plan on emailing them this information along with our cost proposal for the boat. My question is this: Do I suggest that he pay for the food and maybe the bar or do I just sdend it and suggest they decide what they would like to help with. This person has plenty of money but I am worried how to word it. Would it be rude for my husband and myself to suggest they pay for certain items, or just let them pick.
Please help!!!!
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| Editor |
10-13-2009 @ 10:52 AM
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Don't email the cost proposal until you meet with the bride and groom first, and decide how you will proceed.
Perhaps the groom's father feels overwhelmed with the idea of the, wedding, and not as disinterested as you think. It may be best to give him a specific role in the ceremony instead of making him decide. Since his girlfriend mentioned the rehearsal dinner, it seems that they're interested in food. Ask the groom to speak to his father about paying for the food and bar. Be as specific as possible in your request, so that there are no misunderstandings.
Since the wedding will be small, a rehearsal dinner may not be necessary. Nonetheless, it is traditionally the groom's parents' responsibility. If the groom's father decides to host a rehearsal dinner, explain your concerns about the guests' expenses. If he still insists on throwing one, suggest that he pay for the guests' extra night at the hotel. Let him know that the rehearsal dinner (including the guests' extra hotel night) will be his sole responsibility since it was never planned to begin with.
If the groom's father agrees, call him and thank him for his contribution.
If the groom father disagrees, ask what (or how much) he's willing to pay. Let him know that the email budget proposal is on the way.
Editor
bridalguide.com
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| mob1 |
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10-13-2009 @ 6:05 PM
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Thank you for your response. The groom's father really doesn't care about the wedding. He thinks it is a huge waste of money, so we were shocked when he did say he would help out some way. We do not have the kind of relationship, nor does his son, where we can all sit down and discuss costs. We feel like we are walking on eggshells around him. It took 5 months just to ask him to go see the boat. So he is willing to do something, but besides saying they would plan the rehearsal dinner, I don't know what else he will do. You think it is ok that once we explain why we aren't having a rehearsal dinner that we can suggest he might want to pay for the dinner? Can we also suggest the bar costs also? Deep down my husband and I were hoping he would just split the cost of the wedding, but we will not ask that.
He's a grumpy rich guy that only really cares about himself. He wouldn't even help his son to pay for college, yet he has millions to spend on his likes. So that is what we are up against. The family (his own brothers and sisters) don't really lke him much either. So I am trying to tread lightly but I also don't want to be afraid of him. Many, many parents of both the bride and groom help pay for the wedding these days. I have been saving for this wedding since March and will continue to save until the deadline. We think we are going to be able to hacve this wedding for around 12,000-13,000. I have researched everything to death and have found fantastic deals. So I feel that asking him to cover the food - 2300.00 and the bar 1380.00 is not to much to ask for. Let me know what you think.
Thanks,
Cathleen
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| Editor |
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10-20-2009 @ 10:31 AM
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The groom's father mentioned that he will help, so let him! You decided that there won't be a rehearsal dinner, so ask him to help with the food and bar instead. If you want, you can even show him the menu, and ask if he wants to change it in any way. Asking for his insight will make him feel more included--and more likely to pay.
Let him know how much you will appreciate his help. If he decides to pay for the food, ask him if he wants to pay for anything else. You just might be surprised!
Good luck. Keep us posted!
Editor
bridalguide.com
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| mob1 |
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10-20-2009 @ 5:20 PM
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Thanks for your response. After talking with my family members that is exactly what we have decided to do, so I guess we were on the same page with you. Thanks for your time.
Sincerely,
Cathleen
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| mob1 |
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11-14-2009 @ 4:12 PM
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well, I emailed the father of the groom 3 weeks ago and have had no response. Not even a thanks I got it and I'll get back to you reply. What a jerk!!! I am not sure how long to wait before I just give up on him. I am so sorry that we even have to invite him.
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