News, Tips & Offers delivered to your inbox.

What should you do if your folks don't like your fiancé-or his parents? We've got the answers to these and other sticky issues.

When you’re busy planning your dream wedding, the last thing you want to deal with is a sister

whose face clouds over every time you bring up the ceremony, or parents who just can’t seem to warm up to the man you love—and aren’t afraid to show it. Unfortunately, it’s not uncommon for family ties to fray a bit during this emotionally charged time. If you want to preserve those precious relationships, you’re going to have to face the problems head on. Here’s what to do if you find yourself in one of these uncomfortable situations.

“My sister pouts and whines when I talk about my wedding plans, and it’s driving me crazy!”

Believe it or not, your sister may be acting out because she feels sad. This is a tough emotion for some people to express, so jealousy, hurt and anger often serve as a mask. Put yourself in her shoes: What she sees is that “all of a sudden, you are putting your husband-to-be first and your entire family second,” explains Allison Moir-Smith, founder of Emotionally Engaged, in Brookline, Massachusetts, which provide individual counseling and workshops for brides and engaged couples. And if your sister isn’t married yet, she could also be feeling a lack of self-confidence, thinking, “Will this ever happen for me?”

So what should you do? Try a gentle approach. You could say, “You seem unhappy. Is there anything I can do to help?” Hopefully, she’ll open up. “The jealousy will likely go away if your sister believes she’s being heard and that her feelings are important to you,” adds Moir-Smith.

Another tactic: Ask your sister to tackle a significant wedding-planning task, like compiling creative favor ideas. This will make her feel important and included in your life. Just let her decide how much she wants to be involved, warns Moir-Smith. “I’ve been counseling a woman whose sister is getting married soon, and she doesn’t want anything to do with the wedding,” she says. “She’s very jealous, and even though she knows she’ll regret it later on, it’s just too painful for her to be involved right now.”

"It upsets me that my parents don't like my fiancé."

If your folks are loving, thoughtful people who have always had your best interest at heart, and they have genuine concerns about the man to whom you expect to commit your life, pay close attention, advises Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D., a psychotherapist in Long Beach, California, and the author of It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction(New Page Books). Talk to them—without your fiancé present, of course—about what specifically concerns them. For instance, do they think he's too controlling? That he treats you disrespectfully? That he's violent, immature or unreliable? "Parents are right to worry about a guy with such qualities, and you could save yourself a lot of pain and trouble if you listen to them," advises Tessina.

Maybe the reason is simpler. Your parents probably had dreams about the kind of man you'd marry, and it's possible your guy doesn't quite fit that picture. If that's the case, be patient; they may simply need time to accept that fact. However, you must also be prepared for the possibility that your folks might never approve of your fiancé. If this happens, you must stand firm. "Say, ‘This is the man I have chosen to spend the rest of my life with, and I need you to respect and honor that. If you can't, there will be distance between us,' " suggests Moir-Smith.

"Our folks don't get along."

Of course you want your parents to love his—after all, you're about to become "one big happy family." First, find out what the problem is (you should each talk to your parents separately). Are class or ethnic disparities fueling disagreements between them? If so, maybe they just need time to get comfortable with their differences. Perhaps there is something about his family's religion that your parents don't understand—or vice versa. In that case, you or your fiancé can clarify things for them.

If, however, the problem is purely a clash of personalities, you may be best off just minimizing contact altogether, suggests Moir-Smith. "Don't try to force something that isn't there," she says. It isn't critical that the in-laws get along. "The only thing that is essential is that they behave well when they need to be together, such as at the wedding and other family functions," says Tessina. Above all, be careful never to side with either set of parents or tolerate any in-law bashing. Says Tessina, "You're beginning a new family, and you don't want to start it off by participating in soap-opera-like squabbling."

"My parents are divorced, and they fight often. I don't know how to ensure they'll behave on the big day."

Hopefully, yours are the kind of parents who will put your needs ahead of theirs—at least for your wedding day. Even so, it may be worth reminding them that they have a responsibility to "be civil and gracious toward each other for the few hours of your ceremony and reception," says Tessina. Also, pay close attention to the seating arrangements: At the ceremony, seat the parent with whom you are closest (plus his or her new spouse, if there is one) in the first row and the other in the second. At the reception, put them at tables with their own relatives, equidistant from the head table. And be sure to acknowledge them both in any toasts you give at the reception, so they never think one is getting preference over the other, she says.

Or, you could let them make the call on the seating, says Moir-Smith. "Ask each of them, ‘How can we make you most comfortable at the reception? Do you want to be across the room from each other or would you be okay at the same table?' " she suggests. Do this well before the big day so your parents have time to adjust to the plan and to raise any objections before it's too late. Then you can focus on the good stuff: enjoying every minute of your special day.